行雲流水之「所期物忘其中」、《楚詞漁夫》及Meat Loaf歌曲之聯想

「君獨不見夫朝趨市者乎？明旦側肩爭門而入，日暮之後過市者掉臂不顧。非好朝而惡暮，所期物忘其中也。」（節錄自《史記‧孟嘗君列傳第十五》http://www.xysa.net/a200/h350/01shiji/t-075.htm）

善忘的人，多有心急的脾性，亦有爭先恐後的惡習。是出於貪心嗎？不盡然，擔心「所期物忘其中也」。世事、工作、投資、享樂又繁又鎖又多，尤其是在今天資訊年代，樓市落訂遲一星期，股市入貨遲一天，生意決定遲一小時，可能已有天淵之別。

俗語有云：「執輸行頭，慘過敗家。」

「敗家」，真的是「奇恥大辱」，不單苦了自己，更有辱了家聲，連累了家人的面子。孟子有云：「推恩足以保四海，不推恩無以保妻兒。古之人所以大過人者，無他焉，善推其所為而已矣。」[Leo Ja1] 將此從工作之中的「積極」、「進取」心態，由家庭以外的金錢世界，推回至家庭之內，由外而內的「推恩」邏輯，或許就是古今之世道已然的普遍現象。故古今中外才有甘於有教無類、志於諄諄善誘、擅於因勢利導的哲學家、教育家、智者、傳教仕，不停地以教化眾生為終身使命、畢生志願了。或許，他們那不計算個人得失地鍥而不捨去傳揚他們所相信的「真理」，便是因為希望著那些因所謂的「糊口問題」而早已將道德、良心、親情「忘其物在其人生之中」的部份人，停下來反思一下……只不過，他們卻不能將活於愛捉弄凡人的造物主所創天造地下的凡間中的凡人們之內心中的空虛填滿。

畢竟，在這一個數字年代，有些東西、有些數字，減少了（不單是沒有了而是自己所擁有的少於別人所擁有的），便讓人滿心空虛，深感世事萬萬不能了。在這個造物弄人的塵世所活著的凡人們，又怎可以不急呢？可知道「吾生有涯」之理？我們這些凡人可不是聖人、神仙、完美無瑕而又永恆的上帝呢。

「世人皆濁，何不淈其泥而揚其波？眾人皆醉，何不餔其糟而歠其醨？何故深思高舉，自令放為？[Leo Ja2] 」

漁夫先生，我也不知道自己為甚麼會抑鬱得「自令放為」呢……或許，精神科醫生所開的藥物，已讓我產生了「抗藥性」吧。聽說：「心病還需心藥醫。」此時此刻，不單感到「千金難覓」，亦感到「知己難求」，何況可治療抑鬱惡疾的「心藥」呢……

我也是一個善忘的人，已經記不起來亦想不起來自己有甚麼事值得自己感到自豪、安慰或快樂了。我只知道，自己是一個既離群又反社會主流的怪客、瘋子，亦是一個沒有秋毫本事的愚者。我知道自己的身份，因為身邊有太多太多的人強調著，並催促我去「從善如流」……或許，我只能繼續過著如斯自甘墮落的生活吧。畢竟，「生者必有死，物之必至也；富貴多士，貧賤寡友，事之固然也。今余財勢盡失，親友皆去，不足以怨天，更徨論尤人矣。」[Leo Ja3]

何況，我更不是能「與世推移」的「聖人」，如今只能「凝滯於物」[Leo Ja4] ……

聽說，屈原先生亦曾說道：「寧赴湘流，葬於江魚之腹中，安能以皓皓之白，而蒙世俗之塵埃乎！」[Leo Ja5] 現在我的心緒，亦似乎與屈原先生所言有一點點的相近，所分別的，或許我已失卻了皓白的情操，身心亦比塵土更糟。我亦日夜盼望著，可以一進滄浪之中，清滌一下自己抑鬱的心靈。畢竟，漁夫先生也曾吟唱過：「滄浪之水清兮，可以濯吾纓；滄浪之水濁兮，可以濯吾足。」[Leo Ja6]



浮沉於這個變化萬千的時代巨輪之中，或許，就連海水與浪水都成為了「策略性排污」的元素。奢望著得到可以濯纓、濯足的「滄浪之水」，實在是一個瘋子的妄想。只願，自己能在此沙漠之中，繼續可以向著閃於眼前的海市蜃樓步進，繼續追尋著甘露，然後學會怎樣抱著望梅止渴的阿Ｑ精神，然後默默地等待輪迴的一天、上帝的審判，完結與承擔自己的罪孽。

只願能在「普門」前或上帝足前，了解到「前生的罪孽」或「禁果帶來的原罪」。雖然，「知也無涯」，但我亦寧願「殆而已矣」，也希望得到答案。

我會得到答案嗎？或許，在人生之路途上走著走著，我早晚也會「所期物忘其中」吧。希望這一天趕快到來吧。我真的期待著孟婆的熱茶呢。在見到孟婆之前，或許，便只能冷冷清清的繼續咶著手中的忘情水吧。

聽說：「閒愁最苦……休去依危欄！斜陽正在煙柳斷腸處。」[Leo Ja7] 這是真的嗎？「少年不識愁滋味」，又愛「為賦新詞強說愁」的我，實道不出「天涼好箇秋」[Leo Ja8] ……此時此刻地，我感到的就只有是莫名的迷惘……

腦袋裏，反覆地沉現著一首由Meat Loaf樂隊所演唱的「樂與怒」樂曲，Life is a lemon。



What about your family?
It's defective - all the batteries are shot

What about your friends?
They're defective - all the parts are out of stock

What about hope?
It's defective - it's corroded and decayed

What about faith?
It's defective - it's tattered and it's frayed

What about your Gods?
They're defective - They forgot the warranty

What about your town?
It's defective - it's a dead end street to me

What about your school?
It's defective - it's a pack of useless lies

What about your work?
It's defective - it's a crock and then you die

What about your childhood?
It's defective - it's dead and buried in the past

What about your future?
It's defective - and you can shove it up your ass!

已經開始不知所云了……是「臨表涕零」了嗎？已經欲哭無淚了。或許，這已代表了我已經從黑暗與獨單中成長了。或許，這反映著我的病情越來越嚴重了吧。




You don't have to sneak in the door.
Just come on into the room.
I've been lying in our bed in the dark all alone.
And I've been waiting, I've been waiting for you.

There's been no reason to move.
It's been as still as a tomb.
I needed you oh so badly tonight.
But I guess you had better things to do.


I should have known that it was coming to this.
But I must have been blind.
I bet you still got a trace of his love in your eyes.
And you still got his eyes on your mind.
You swore you'd be with me at 7 o'clock.
Now it's a quarter to 3.
Well whatever you got and whoever it was.
I guess you couldn't get it from me.
Whatever you got and whoever it was.
I guess you couldn't get it from me.


I know that: you "love" me.
There's no need to talk.
I see the look in your eyes and I got the proof.
And there are no lies on your body.
So take off your dress.
I just want to get at the truth.


I know that: you "love" me.
There's no need to talk.
I see the look in your eyes and I got the proof.
And there are no lies on your body.
So take off your dress.
I just want to get at the truth.


And there are so many things that I've just got to know.
You tell me who!
You tell me where!
You tell me when!


But don't tell me now, I don't need any answers tonight.
I just need some love, so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
Left in the dark again.
I just need some love, so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
Left in the dark again.
I just need some love, so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
Left in the dark again.


I should have know that it was comin' to this.
But I must have been blind.
I bet you still got a trace of his love in your eyes.
And you still got his eyes on your mind.
You swore you'd be with me at 7 o'clock.
Now it's a quarter to 3.
Well whatever you got and whoever it was.
I guess you couldn't get it from me.
I guess you couldn't get it from me.
But down in my soul, down in my soul.

I know - I know that you love me.
There's no need to talk.
I see the look in your eyes and I got the proof.
And there are no lies on you body.
So take off your dress.
I just want to get at the truth.

And there are so many things that I've just got to know.
You tell me who!
You tell me where!
You tell me when!

But don't tell me now, I don't need any answers tonight.
I just need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
I just need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
I just need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
I just need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
Ijust need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
I just need some love so turn out the lights.
And I'll be left in the dark again.
Left in the dark.

你不明白我在說些甚麼嗎？無錯，這是因為我是一個有抑鬱症的病人。我又在胡思亂想了。這是Fly of ideas的病症吧。當你沒有用心去理解與關心的話，你便會如我一樣，「所期物忘其中」了。

或許，願意大花寶貴而短缺之時間去閱讀我此文的讀者，你們並沒有「所期物忘其中」。因為，發掘別人的錯處永遠比關心別人或理解別人更有滿足感。你找到了，你可以確認了，我就是一個不知所云又不知所謂的瘋子了。

謝謝你所花的時間。

[Leo Ja1]節錄自香港中學會考中文科範文《齊桓、晉文之事章》

[Leo Ja2]節錄自《楚辭‧漁夫》http://staff.whsh.tc.edu.tw/~huanyin/anfa/c/anfa_chuche1_2.htm

[Leo Ja3]改編自《史記‧孟嘗君列傳第十五》http://www.xysa.net/a200/h350/01shiji/t-075.htm）

[Leo Ja4]同註[Leo Ja2].

[Leo Ja5]同上

[Leo Ja6]同上

[Leo Ja7] 節錄自辛棄疾先生的《摸魚兒》‧詞題：淳熙己亥自湖北漕移湖南，同官王正文置酒小山亭為賦

[Leo Ja8] 節錄自辛棄疾先生的《醜奴兒》‧詞題：書博山道中壁